The Green Hornet

My review for @ReviewBrisbane.

—

As a reviewer, it pains me to give a critique that people won’t find all that interesting. I won’t bash this film too hard, as I didn’t think it was all that bad, but I can’t praise it too highly either, as after a day or two mulling it over, nothing stood out. For a screenplay co-written by Seth Rogen, you could hope for something on the Apatow level of teen comedy. Sadly, The Green Hornet is a few rungs down.

The Green Hornet, based on the comic book character and 70’s TV show character (which saw Bruce Lee take the sidekick role), according to most devout fans of either original source, shirks the responsibility to uphold these in favour of building a typical superhero that we’ve all seen before. Iron Man and Batman’s idea of a party boy/layabout who inherits a large fortune of some sort (in this case an estate plus a huge independently-owned newspaper) are motifs overused in superhero films. Rogen’s character is a Tony Stark without the witty quips, and really, just Seth Rogen being Seth Rogen. He places himself in centre spotlight as the superhero and every teen, Britt Reid, who succeeds his father (little more than Tom Wilkinson in a ‘You’re a useless son and a waste of my time’-type cameo) in the newspaper business after the man dies of, in an incredible show of foreshadowing, a bee sting. From there Britt Reid sinks into a further stupor of ladies, booze and TV. But when his coffee tastes like crap, his world is turned upside down when his personal coffee maker (whom he fired with the rest of the family staff after his father’s funeral, for reasons known only to him and his inability to give a shit) turns out to be the most handy guy to have around the house.

Jay Chou does most of the work as coffee maker, mind-blowingly awesome car mechanic and Green Hornet sidekick Kato. When Britt discovers the guy has made a coffee machine and a sportscar complete with bullet-proof exterior and an in-built record player, they quickly become best mates. Soon they’re donning superhero costumes and running about kicking the bad guys in the bum to prove as sensationalist news for his father’s paper, known previously for its hard-hitting journalistic integrity. This angle to the story could be interesting, and would potentially probe deeper in recent times than Spider-Man’s Daily Bugle, but Rogen leaves all this in favour of immature flirting with Cameron Diaz. She’s the new temp in his CEO office who really should have filed for sexual harassment from her first scene. Aside from this, Diaz provides a smile and gives a clue for The Green Hornet and Kato where to go next in their quest for pointless crime fighting.

Of course, there’s the bad guy too, who gets less characterisation to work with than any other role in this movie. And just to piss everyone off, Christoph Waltz plays it. Now don’t get me wrong, my beef is not with Waltz. His performance in Inglourious Basterds secured a place in my heart for measured, menacing performances. In The Green Hornet however, Rogen gives him miniscule screen-time for a baddy, and nothing for Waltz to sink his teeth into, apart from the unpronounceable name Chudnofsky and this strange paranoia that he’s no longer hip in the underworld. Christoph still gives things his best shot, and the opening scene, which proves to be one of the best in the film, has the flair and menace from Waltz’s Basterd days. His weapon is a Desert Eagle with two pistol barrels that in Chudnofsky’s own words took “quite a while to make”. It’s a badass-looking little weapon, which, like its owner, barely gets used.

The Green Hornet’s director is Michel Gondry (director of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), you wouldn’t know it though, because he uses very little of his film style. I can think of only two or three instances where something resembling a Gondry film technique is employed. Why he signed up for this for anything more than the money or why he directed the film so by-the-book I honestly can’t answer.

In all, these faults don’t make the movie unbearable. I found a few bits funny, but most of the movie isn’t all that memorable. I wouldn’t recommend seeing it in 3D, as it was converted post-production, meaning that the 2D and 3D elements are very similar. If you don’t believe me, go to it in 3D and peek over the glasses. You’ll see the image is nearly exactly the same, except a little fuzzy around the edges.

Rogen teaming with Gondry, like Jack Black and Gondry before them, have cooked up something with potential, only to lose it all in the film’s monotony of clichés and lame characterisation. That’s just too bad. Personally, I think Michel Gondry needs to find another Charlie Kaufman script, and Seth Rogen needs to go back to his roots with Judd Apatow. It’s the only way we can right the imbalance this movie brought upon the universe.